Naked as a Jailbird

Travion Davis, 19, suspected that Los Angeles police would recognize his distinctive clothing if he robbed a bank. So he stripped naked before his July 1993 raid, and made off with $15,000 in two shopping bags. Not surprisingly, the sight of a naked man running down back alleys with bags stuffed full of cash was distinctive enough to attract the attention of sheriff's deputies, who pursued him over several fences before grabbing him (by what we're not told) and taking him into custody.

In A Pinch

In December 1994, Winston Treadway took two live lobsters from a tank in a Boston, Massachusetts supermarket and stuffed them down his trousers. The lobsters fastened onto his manhood and refused to let go. Doctors reportedly said the result was "a do-it-yourself vasectomy" and told him he might never be a father.

Justice Might Be Blind...

Klaus Schmidt, 41, burst into a Berlin bank in August 1995, waved a pistol, and screamed "Hand over the money!" When staff asked if he wanted a bag, he replied "Damn right it's a real gun!" Guessing Schmidt was deaf, the manager set off the alarm, saying later, "It was ridiculously loud, but he didn't seem to notice."

After five minutes punctuated by Schmidt occasionally shouting "I am a trained killer!" police arrived and arrested him. Schmidt then sued the bank, accusing them of exploiting his disability.

...Or Maybe Just Crazy

In September 1994, Manila's "hanging judge" Maximiano Asuncion declared that people convicted of crimes carrying the death sentence should be made to wrestle poisonous snakes inside a giant aquarium open to the public.

Scott Free

Edward Williams of Houston, Texas, was fined $10,000 and given 10 years probation in March 1987. Formerly a storeroom supervisor at Houston's Jefferson Davis Hospital, Williams had been convicted of stealing 79,680 rolls of toilet paper. No one knew for sure what he'd done with the purloined paper.

A Chilling Effect

Joyce Lebrom fainted at a supermarket checkout counter in Berne, Switzerland, in September 1991. Staff thought she'd had a heart attack, but when paramedics arrived they found a stolen chicken stuffed down her bra. The cold from the chicken had caused her to pass out. After recovering in the hospital she was charged with theft.

Back Seat Driver

In the early hours of the morning, in June 1995, Mike Cyprian ducked into a restaurant in Hammond, Louisiana, to make a phone call. He left his car engine running and his nine-foot python lounging uncaged inside. When Cyprian came out of the restaurant he saw his car in a different spot and a man running away.

Driving Miss Daisy

When Patricia Wakelin of Westbury-on-Trym, England, advertised her Ford Fiesta for sale, David Brice, 28, seemed like an ideal buyer. He turned up with his granny and left the elderly woman with her while he took the car for a test-drive. That was the last Wakelin saw of both Brice and her car.

The old lady turned out not to be his granny at all, but someone from an old people's home whom he'd offered to take for a drive. Brice was eventually sentenced to two years in prison for the car theft and a number of other cons in May 1995.

Monkey Business

The owner of a zoo in Coviha, Portugal, dressed his three children in monkey suits and displayed them as "rare Sumatran orangutans," apparently with some success. He was arrested in September 1994.

Mr. Bubbles

Sacramento, California, December 1995: Burglar Brett Woolley, 25, had a stereo and other items from the home he'd broken into, lined up by the front door and all ready to go. He was then struck with the desire to take a bubble bath. He fell asleep in the tub, the owner returned, and the police were called to wake Woolley.

It's a Jungle out There

A burglar who broke into a bakery in Vilblach, Austria, in August 1985, found it something of an alarming experience. As he crept across the office in the dark, he was suddenly attacked by Lola the cockatoo. During the fight, the burglar knocked over a glass tank containing Egor the viper. By flashlight, he saw Egor slithering across the floor and, at that moment, the baker's pet mynah, Peppino, started his favorite imitation: a doorbell. Terrified, the burglar crashed through a window, cutting himself as he escaped. Baker Robert Koloini, roused by the noise, came downstairs to find his office in chaos, but the $3,600 in his safe still intact.

What a Rip-Off!

An uninformed burglar who stole a 300-year-old violin, in September in 1993, returned it to its owner's door in Munich, Germany, with a note complaining that it was out of tune. The violin was actually worth $80,000.

Picture Perfect

While lightening the load of a security van by $160,000 in May 1995, two robbers in Arlington, Texas, foolishly ignored the 23 Japanese tourists nearby. Although none of the visitors spoke English, they silently handed police 39 photos of the getaway car's license plate. The men were arrested soon after.

Damsels of Distress

Purse snatcher Daniel Pouchin ended up in the hospital when he tried to rob two women in a street in Nice, France, in August 1993. The victims were "burly" transvestites who beat him up and left him with broken ribs.

Hansel Seeks Gretel

The shortest trail we know of was left by Lee Hawke of Melbourne, Australia, in June 1993. Hawke's loot included a leaky bag of popcorn which led police, kernel-by-kernel, to his house, next door to the scene of the crime.

Armed and Idiotic

A Thai man was arrested in Bangkok in November 1994 and charged with impersonating a police officer. Using a stolen uniform, he had spent two months posing as a traffic cop in order to extort money from motorists. The trickster finally came unstuck when a senior officer passed by on an inspection tour and he saluted with the wrong hand.

Exercising Their Freedom

In February 1995, prison guards in Calaya were lambasted after six inmates escaped during fitness sessions in the exercise yard. The convicts apparently bounced over the wall using a trampoline.

Fuzzy Logic

In December 1995, Scott Plumley was told by authorities in Pensacola, Florida, that they couldn't shut down neighborhood drug dealers because they lacked evidence. Plumley went down the street, bought a $4 bag of marijuana and called sheriff's deputies to collect the evidence. Instead they arrested him and left him facing a year in jail. "It is illegal to buy drugs for whatever reason," said a police spokesman.

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?

When Elizabeth Howell Boykins, 25, returned to her apartment in Charleston, South Carolina, after a weekend trip in July 1990, she found another woman living there, and wearing her clothes. The intruder greeted Ms. Boykins, took her luggage, and slammed the door in her face.

"I thought I was going crazy," said Ms. Boykins. "The woman took all of my paintings off the walls, and bought a new lamp and a shower curtain and rug for the bathroom."

The police were called, but the stranger insisted it was her apartment. She gave herself away when she misidentified the owner of the apartment building and said that John Wayne was taking her to dinner. She was detained for psychiatric evaluation.

Marching to a Different Beat

In New Zealand, we have the 21-year-old Muppet fan who took a radio station manager hostage in March 1996, because he wanted to hear a song by Kermit the Frog. In fact, he wanted to hear the song Rainbow Connection played non-stop for 12 hours. Police cordoned off the station in Wanganui and evacuated several buildings, when the man said he had a bomb. When the bomb was later found to be fake, the cops stormed the station and arrested him.

Dressed for Success

Bob Briggs, 24, owner of a Domino's Pizza restaurant in Independence, Missouri, dressed as a giant red rabbit and stood in the road to attract business. In August 1991, he was knocked unconscious by Bobo the Clown, who was promoting a Pizza Hut across the road. Briggs declined to press charges, which is perhaps unfortunate as it would have made an interesting court case.